puzzle pieces.

any new change puts me into full anxiety. i hate change, i like to feel comfortable. i like to know what's coming next, surprises are not my friend. although this is my sophomore year of high school, i'm no longer the freshman who is terrified and lost, it's still DIFFERENT. in order for me to learn well i need to have a good relationship with my teachers, and with a new school year that means that it's all new teachers, new relationships that i need to build. the first two days were good. my teachers all seem very down to earth and i think i'll be able to build relationships with them.

it still is hard for me to start new beginnings while my mom isn't here. it's hard to know that she'll never be there when my boyfriend breaks up with me, when i get engaged, on my wedding day, when i get pregnant, when i give birth, and all those other major life moments. she's forever gone and even though as time goes on it gets a little easier to get through the day without crying, i know it's going to be incredibly hard to go through the those moments without her there, i've said it a lot, but there will forever be a missing puzzle piece in my life puzzle. we start as babies, basically four puzzle pieces: food, sleep, poop, repeat. as life goes on we become attached to more things, some blankets, some toys, some people. each year in life puzzle pieces are added, our jigsaw becoming more complex.

no matter how full my puzzle gets, there will always be a piece i can't find, i will always search for it, but it will always be missing.