autumn beauty

i took this in the back woods of my house, when i saw the i heart faces autumn beauty i automatically decided to put this up, why not try?

downs

i'm a firm believer in God, i know he has a plan for me. i know that everything that happens to me, whether it be good or bad, has a reason, but i don't understand...

if he is the master of everything,
why is there so much pain,
why is there so much hatred in the world,
why do people need to experience all of that,
why?

if he can do so many amazing things why does he make people suffer?

i know, i know it's for a reason, but sometimes those reasons are so hard for me to realize, in the depths of sadness or confusion i want so badly to scream at God, to turn my back on Him, to yell at Him because he shouldn't make me suffer, he's my so called savior but he makes me suffer, and lately, i've been yelling at God, i know that He will never turn his back on me, i know that this is all for a reason, so i will continue to stick with him, because he is in fact my savior.

shut up

i ask people all the time, what's your favorite story about mom? i hear the stories, and it makes me feel worse, horrible, my heart breaks, i always thought the stories were supposed to help me, but they're just reminders that i won't be able to make those memories, it's another reminder that i was robbed of the oppurtunity of knowing what a nice person she was, what an amazing soul she had. stories are suppose to help, but they hurt me so much. and when someone says, "your mom was sooooooooooo nice, she was soooooooo selfless, she was sooooooooooooo...", i want to scream, SHUT THE FUCK UP, STOP TELLING ME, IT HURTS ME. STOP.