lightroom

all edited with lightroom...i'm officially OBSESSED.

robbed

the thing that hurts me the most is that i was robbed at the chance of ever getting to know her....

ocd

last night i watched an abc family secrets primetime special about teens struggling with ocd. i have ocd and i take medicine for it and it's helped SO much. not too many people know what i struggle with or that i'm on the medicine. watching the special i felt such a connection to the kids because i know what the struggles feel like. i know what it feels like to look for reassurance and your family just pushing you to do the things you fear. also, seeing the special gave me a better understanding of the ocd. when you have ocd a certain thing in the brain doesn't send you the message that its okay. you worry and worry and worry and worry and it consumes you. "regular" peoples brain get the message that the irrational thought is in fact irrational and not to worry. the medicine helps us realize the thoughts are irrational. i have ocd but i'm conquering it.

peace

this is how i've been feeling. i can honestly say i feel the best i've felt in a LONG time. and i'm so happy. i feel normal, which is such a new thing for me. i've spent the last three years having anxiety pretty much every day. not going out in fear of coming home to my dad dead, not wanting to leave the house because what if the world split in half. i now look at it and see how IRRATIONAL those thoughts were. living with OCD is horrifying. i still get irrational fears but i will NOT let that stop me from doing things. i will go on an escalator, something i WOULDN'T do for over a year. i go to malls, stores, on walks because i know every time i do it i become a little less scared. i'm happy. and i love it.